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Writing Prompt, Week #2

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Re: Writing Prompt, Week #2

Postby David Whyld » Fri Feb 02, 2018 9:55 am

What's this - feedback on the ADRIFT site? Two - count 'em! Two! - reviews for a game showing up in less than ten years? I don't remember the last time I saw this much actively.

Thanks to everyone who played the game and liked it. It was a silly little thing I threw together on a whim and I spent most of the time coming up with daft responses to things the player might type. It's not password protected so if anyone wants to take a peek in the Generator and see if they missed anything, feel free.
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Re: Writing Prompt, Week #2

Postby Lumin » Fri Feb 02, 2018 10:44 pm

R2T1 wrote:OK. The 1st topic looked interesting, so I managed to put something down. I had thought of doing a Brer Rabbit/Brer Fox scene but it wouldn't quite gel for me. So here is my miserable attempt...
Finally we had managed to leave my uncle's farm.
Uncle Ken and Aunt Lucy had dropped out of the 'rat race' and taken up an alternative lifestyle in the country. He had bought a fifty acre lot when another farmer had divided up some land and sold off smaller parcels. The lot that my uncle and aunt had bought came complete with a large shed which they had modified to make quite a comfortable home for themselves. They then set up the farm to sustain themselves and sold off any extra produce to help with their budget.

That is how we came to be leaving with not one, but two sacks of turnips in the rear of the ute. One sack was for my parents and the other was for my new wife and I. To guide us in the use of these turnips, Aunt Lucy had provided us a cookbook entitled 'One Hundred and One Ways to Enjoy Turnips'. As we travelled back to the city along a series of winding country roads, we amused ourselves with some of the entries in the book. There were recipes for Turnip Bread, Turnip Salad, Turnip Pancakes and even Turnip Ice-cream and almost everything imaginable in between.

Such was our merriment, that I almost failed to see the large shape lying in the road ahead. Felicity suddenly screamed out and I hit the brakes hard bringing the ute to a standstill before running into the object. I told Felicity to stay in the ute as I got out to see what it was. After a closer inspection, I found that the body was still warm and must have been killed very recently. I returned to my ute, took out my large fishing knife that I always carried amongst my tools and returned to the dead body.

I crouched down next to the lifeless lump in the road and Felicity saw me stab the body and begin cutting through one of the legs with the knife. Seeing no danger, she got out and came over to where I was working on the body. I finished the grisly task and stood up with a haunch of meat cut from the dead wallaby.

Turning to my wife I said, "Recipe #102. Wallaby stew with turnips."


Hope you enjoy it.


Aw, that actually works really well as flash fiction. I've never been able to do flash fiction. I just like words too much. :(

If I was going to go all Serious Critiquing on you, you use 'had' four times in the first three sentences. Aside from the repetition, 'had' gets lumped in with words like 'was' and 'were' as a red flag for passive voice and you generally want to keep it to a minimum. Exposition, telling instead of showing blah blah etc is best avoided in a story's opening since that's the part that needs to hook the readers.
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Re: Writing Prompt, Week #2

Postby Lumin » Sat Feb 03, 2018 9:10 pm

Oh, I guess I should get on writing something for this, huh?

I just read Po's on my phone originally and I forgot to say that I really liked the second entry as well, it's another one that works nicely as flash fic. We tend to default to the silly and goofy around here so a change of pace is appreciated too.
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Re: Writing Prompt, Week #2

Postby Lumin » Mon Feb 05, 2018 2:22 am

Extending this to Tuesday. For...reasons... >.>
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Re: Writing Prompt, Week #2

Postby P/o Prune » Mon Feb 05, 2018 6:24 am

Lumin wrote:Extending this to Tuesday. For...reasons... >.>

Should we allow this? :wink:
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Re: Writing Prompt, Week #2

Postby Lumin » Mon Feb 05, 2018 9:10 am

Po. Prune wrote:
Lumin wrote:Extending this to Tuesday. For...reasons... >.>

Should we allow this? :wink:


How dare you question me in my own thread

I'll have rainbow birds tear you apart!!!!!
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Re: Writing Prompt, Week #2

Postby P/o Prune » Mon Feb 05, 2018 9:18 am

Lumin wrote:
Po. Prune wrote:
Lumin wrote:Extending this to Tuesday. For...reasons... >.>

Should we allow this? :wink:


How dare you question me in my own thread

I'll have rainbow birds tear you apart!!!!!


Bring him on... I have a Jack Russell to protect me:

Beast.jpg
Beast.jpg (249.21 KiB) Viewed 914 times


:shock:
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Re: Writing Prompt, Week #2

Postby David Whyld » Mon Feb 05, 2018 2:57 pm

The power's gone to her head, I tells you! To her head!! She's acting like she owns the thread!!! And that this is all her own ideas!!!! Egads!!!!!
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Re: Writing Prompt, Week #2

Postby P/o Prune » Mon Feb 05, 2018 3:03 pm

I LOVE this thread more and more rofl
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Re: Writing Prompt, Week #2

Postby Lumin » Mon Feb 05, 2018 3:47 pm

Okay I love Jack Russells and that little guy is so ferocious I guess I'll let you of this time.

Anyway, I actually will have the new one up today, but it will be tomorrow for you guys and that's no one's fault but your own.
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