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Postby Mystery » Mon Aug 19, 2002 5:01 pm

That made me queasy. And the doorknob thing was funny :0
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Postby Mut » Mon Aug 19, 2002 5:22 pm

Sorry, I've just got a sick mind!

:p
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Postby Mystery » Mon Aug 19, 2002 5:51 pm

Maybe so, but your writing is entertaining. The killer toilet was very funny too.
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Postby ds490 » Mon Aug 19, 2002 9:21 pm

Sick mind? Hehe. Don't tell me about having a sick mind.
~ ds490
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Postby DuoDave » Mon Aug 19, 2002 9:53 pm

Ya know, it's kinda like the feeling you get when you stick your face into the food processor and stick out your tongue and its chopped off and you're bleeding nonstop but you cant scream cuz you have no tongue and the only way to get the pain to stop is to think about something else so you grab a screwdriver and jab it into your ear aaagh the pain the pain make it stop aaaagh make it go away
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Postby Echo » Tue Aug 20, 2002 1:07 am

Just a little question for the rest of you: Do you think it's possible to describe pain so a robot would understand?

**********

0.10 seconds after touching a thingy to keep french fries hot:

That's odd... it doesn't hurt. I thought for sure I would feel burning pain.

0.50 seconds
What... what is that? A tingling sensation, growing more fierce as time passes...

0.75 seconds
It.. hurts! I clasp my arm in agony, as if the pain was coming from around the arm and I'm trying to keep it away. It doesn't work.

1.00 second
The pain goes on and it feels like my arm is about to be torn off.

2.00 seconds
I begin pacing around, my hand still clasped around the area of burnt skin. I know it doesn't help much, might even be bad in the long-term, but it does help ease the pain a little. Just a little.

4.00 seconds
My mind finally manages to tear its thoughts away from the burning pain in my arm and I remember there was something around here, some lotion or something, that is supposed to use on burns.

10.00 seconds
I found the lotion and put it on the wound. It hasn't helped much yet but I am hoping it will. I continue to pace around, though my hand isn't holding around the wound anymore.

20.00 seconds
The pain is going away now and my mind is calming down. I look at the wound now for the first time and realize it isn't that much. I had thought for a moment it would burn right through my arm, but it's just a small wound. Sure, it hurt at first, hurt a lot, but the moment of pain is gone now.
**********

I wasn't trying to write it so a robot would understand, just felt like I should write something too. I can't just post a bunch of challenges and not join in on the writing.
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Postby ds490 » Tue Aug 20, 2002 2:19 am

This is an almost true story.
*******
One moment, you're happy as a freakin' dog or something. The next, you can't move.
You wonder: Why can't I move? Looking down, you discover your toe is now jammed under the wheel of the car. The pain hits you in a moment, and your reaction is truely hilarious- that is, to the people watching.
You yelp, then holler. Then it gets loud. The scream starts, but you don't know when it ends.
The words that come to you are something like, "Holy s*** my ####in' toe has been ####in' run over my my ####in' friends ####in' mom's ####in' car!"
Of course you scream the concise version: "f***!"
It sort of burns, sort of stings, but mostly it hurts.
Your friend's mom hears your cry, looks back and backs up, releasing you from the tyrany of the wheel.
It hurts for a moment, but then goes back to normal.
Then, you fart.
*******
The only part of that which is true is where my mom ran over my friend's toe. Luckily his shoe was a little large and his actual toe wasn't too damaged. It was funny though. :p
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Postby DuoDave » Tue Aug 20, 2002 5:02 am

I have a friend who was jumping down out of the back of a truck at work and he caught his wedding ring on something. Tore his finger clear off - well not exactly. It "degloved" the finger - literally tore the tissue, the skin & muscles right off the bone. Must have been nasty.

He stood there a minute or so looking at his hand (probably in shock) wondering why one of his fingers looked whiter than the other ones. Probably didn't even hurt that much. I always found it was amazing that the bones of the finger held together, like some skeleton in a horror movie.

Today my friend is missing a finger on his left hand. Looks really odd. Because of the way the surgeons closed the wound, he doesn't have full strength in that hand, so he has done a lot of physical therapy to keep his left hand in shape.

Or maybe that was more than you wanted to know.
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Postby ds490 » Tue Aug 20, 2002 5:22 am

The pain comes to you in a single sudden sting, pulsating, no, pounding at your buttocks. Your buns ripple painfully as the gas exits in the most violent manner imaginable.
You wish you hadn't drank all that Coke and swallowed all the f***ing beans, but it is way too late. Your innards have teamed up with your ass to teach you a painful, stinky lesson in meal selection.
Almost as if in slow motion, your buttocks continues to ripple, the gas shooting out, as you contemplate the actions which brought this about.
It sounds like an explosion, and feels like one too. It leaves a ringing in your ears and an ache in your ass. The smell reaches your nose and the noses of everyone else in the elevator.
One man coughs. One woman slouches against a wall, shocked by your explicit expulsion of unwanted gas, but not as suprised as you.
Still your ass ripples, stinging you. The gas is almost done leaving your gastro-intestinal tract, and you say good riddance.
Then, a wave of increased pain hits you hard as the fart ends and you sink back into reality. It's gonna sting for a while. Sitting might be a problem. Oh well.
You look at the startled faces of your fellow elevator occupants. They look morbid.
The doors open, and you step out into the semi-fresh office air.
Next time, don't mix Coke with beans, or else you're gonna blast your ass open.
*******
~ ds490
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Postby Echo » Tue Aug 20, 2002 5:56 am

I was disgusted, I laughed, I puked out my intestants. Good job. :D
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Postby Echo » Tue Aug 20, 2002 8:15 pm

I guess you think this is funny. But let me tell you: It's not! Escaping the mad bull, fearing for your life, running, turning, running some more. And then, hoping to have escaped it, then looking back to see it's even closer. Then comes the pain, the pain as the bull launches its head at my right leg, its horn tearing through clothes, skin, muscles, bone. There can be no escape now. All I can do is wait for someone to come to my rescue, to free my leg from the bull's horn. But no rescue is needed as the bull yanks its head to the right and tears through my leg, freeing me. Not long has lasted, really. Now I lie there on the street, blood flowing freely from the big hole in my leg and forming a puddle around me. The last thing I see before I pass out is the face of a medic coming to tend my wound.
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Postby ds490 » Tue Aug 20, 2002 8:34 pm

Ow, Echo, ow.
*******
Warning: the following pain description may offend some people. But it's real, and it's what some guys experience.
*******
The pain is unlike any other pain. There is no time to think about what happen as you fall to the ground, curled up in a wimpering ball.
The ache-like pain drowns out the average impact discomfort as it rushes up through your body and into your brain.
You clench your crotch, praying to God to leave you with your ability to reproduce.
It feels like your nuts have been rammed into your body, your sanity expelled by the impact.
A single word, not nearly summing up your pain, escapes between your clenched teeth: "s***"
Swear is all you can do. You just turned around and walked into the back of a chair. A woman might get a little pain from the impact, but it's chaos for the other gender.
Most pain shoots at you, then fades. Getting it in the balls doesn't operate like other pain- it hurts more and more, then evens out at an unbearable ache.
Everyone in the restaurant looks at you. The guys all understand. The girls think you're acting like a baby. Well, if they had balls (which you're suspecting of some of them) they would act like babies when they get it.
Your balls hurt for a day.
Finally, after about twenty hours, the pain seems to subside.
Thankful, you sit down. s***.
s***. s***. s***. You sat on a nut. The pain returns, seemingly worse (every time it seems worse).
"s***!" You yell. Everyone in the auditorium freezes, as do the performers dressed up as Big Bird and Elmo.
*******
:p
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Postby Mystery » Tue Aug 20, 2002 9:00 pm

I think I'll leave that one alone. :8 And spare you the long...long.....painful process of childbirth....
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Postby Mut » Tue Aug 20, 2002 9:16 pm

Touché.

:p
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Postby ds490 » Tue Aug 20, 2002 9:27 pm

Yes, childbirth sort of evens us out.
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