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Tree Part One: The Underground Tunnel Aplha

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Tree Part One: The Underground Tunnel Aplha

Postby Samkid882 » Sat Apr 28, 2012 6:08 pm

The aplha version (v1.0) of my game Tree Part One: The Underground Tunnel.
http://www.adrift.co/cgi/adrift.cgi?page=adventure&advid=1338
Enjoy!
Please post any bugs or requests for a walkthrough when necessary.
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Re: Tree Part One: The Underground Tunnel Aplha

Postby David Whyld » Sat Apr 28, 2012 9:48 pm

Okay, you keep posting these demos (seriously, what's wrong with actually finishing something once in a while?) which look like they were written in the space of an hour and that clearly haven't been tested. I'm guessing you're looking for feedback. Well, here it is.

The introduction: it's one line long. Just one. Why not flesh it out a bit? Add some depth? Where am I driving to when I run out of gas? Who am I? Why am I walking miles down the road to discover a house - don't I have a mobile?

First location: a house is mentioned in the room description (which is, like the introduction, just one line long) but can't be examined. Examining the mailbox gives the description "A white, wooden mailbox. The White Wooden Mailbox is currently closed." Bad description. Why do 'white', 'wooden' and 'mailbox' start with capitals? Why is the item mentioned twice like this in the description? Trying to "open it" doesn't work, I have to type its name to refer to it.

Second location: again, one line long. You really need to flesh these things out a little. Again, the house can't be examined even though I'm standing right in front of it. The description of the door is just painful.

Elsewhere I found a rock with the description "a small rock" and a tire with "a tire for a vehicle". Every location description was a single line long. You don't need to write a screen long piece of text for every location, but at least try and make them sound interesting. I try to smash the window with the rock but I can't - why doesn't smash work?

And that was pretty much all I could stand. Several dozen empty locations which seem to have no bearing on the game as a whole, no proper descriptions for anything, most locations lack clearly listed exits so moving around is a pain, weird capitalisation, obvious commands not working - what incentive do I have to keep playing any further? Now I can understand you're enthusiastic at being able to write text adventures, but there's a big difference between enthusiasm and being any good at it. My advice? Stop uploading these badly written demos, download some of the better ADRIFT games out there, see what other people are writing, and have a good brush up on just what it is people want to play in a text adventure. Then, and only then, write another game. Demos are like this aren't likely to appeal to anyone and you're only going to shoot yourself in the foot by writing them.
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Re: Tree Part One: The Underground Tunnel Aplha

Postby NickyDude » Sat Apr 28, 2012 10:26 pm

Don't be disheartened by David's criticism, in fact that's the type of feedback you need. I'm saying this because many (many!) people come across Adrift, create their first adventure and get upset or angry at the feedback they get and give up on Adrift. You can't expect to create a great adventure right of the bat and the bare-bones feedback is just what's needed to polish your game.

Keep chipping away and you'll get there eventually! Also, if you haven't seen it, take a look here: http://forum.adrift.co/viewtopic.php?f=6&t=5490

Good Luck! :claps:
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Re: Tree Part One: The Underground Tunnel Aplha

Postby saabie » Sun Apr 29, 2012 1:35 am

Please only published finished and tested games to the Adventures page.
The "Demo" section is meant for example/tutorial code to show other Adrift developers how to do something with Adrift.
To get feedback for beta testing then you should upload directly to this forum.
When you are entering a new message, scroll down to just below the submit button (in the full editor, not quick reply) where you will find an "upload attachment" tab next to the options tab.
Press the Browse button to upload your TAF file, then press "Add the file" to insert it into your message.
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Re: Tree Part One: The Underground Tunnel Aplha

Postby Samkid882 » Mon Apr 30, 2012 3:51 pm

David Whyld wrote:Okay, you keep posting these demos (seriously, what's wrong with actually finishing something once in a while?) which look like they were written in the space of an hour and that clearly haven't been tested. I'm guessing you're looking for feedback. Well, here it is.

The introduction: it's one line long. Just one. Why not flesh it out a bit? Add some depth? Where am I driving to when I run out of gas? Who am I? Why am I walking miles down the road to discover a house - don't I have a mobile?

First location: a house is mentioned in the room description (which is, like the introduction, just one line long) but can't be examined. Examining the mailbox gives the description "A white, wooden mailbox. The White Wooden Mailbox is currently closed." Bad description. Why do 'white', 'wooden' and 'mailbox' start with capitals? Why is the item mentioned twice like this in the description? Trying to "open it" doesn't work, I have to type its name to refer to it.

Second location: again, one line long. You really need to flesh these things out a little. Again, the house can't be examined even though I'm standing right in front of it. The description of the door is just painful.

Elsewhere I found a rock with the description "a small rock" and a tire with "a tire for a vehicle". Every location description was a single line long. You don't need to write a screen long piece of text for every location, but at least try and make them sound interesting. I try to smash the window with the rock but I can't - why doesn't smash work?

And that was pretty much all I could stand. Several dozen empty locations which seem to have no bearing on the game as a whole, no proper descriptions for anything, most locations lack clearly listed exits so moving around is a pain, weird capitalisation, obvious commands not working - what incentive do I have to keep playing any further? Now I can understand you're enthusiastic at being able to write text adventures, but there's a big difference between enthusiasm and being any good at it. My advice? Stop uploading these badly written demos, download some of the better ADRIFT games out there, see what other people are writing, and have a good brush up on just what it is people want to play in a text adventure. Then, and only then, write another game. Demos are like this aren't likely to appeal to anyone and you're only going to shoot yourself in the foot by writing them.

Thank you David for your amazing criticism, it was EXACTLY what I wanted! You pointed out my flaws, and now I can do better! Also, however, this is my first REAL game. I've been making RPG games for the last few days, so I couldn't get to your response sooner (I actually love making RPG game 10x as much as I love making Interactive Fiction), but thank you. Oh, and Nickey, I'm not disheartened at ALL by his response, as I am a very mature and respectful man, I take it as only something I can use to improve on my game. I'm actually going to scrap this game... and start making a new one ASAP, this time with no odd use of capitalization and much more detailed room descriptions. Also, the only real text based game I've played besides my own was Zork, if anyone can please suggest some more, It would be very accepted.
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Re: Tree Part One: The Underground Tunnel Aplha

Postby Samkid882 » Mon Apr 30, 2012 3:54 pm

saabie wrote:Please only published finished and tested games to the Adventures page.
The "Demo" section is meant for example/tutorial code to show other Adrift developers how to do something with Adrift.
To get feedback for beta testing then you should upload directly to this forum.
When you are entering a new message, scroll down to just below the submit button (in the full editor, not quick reply) where you will find an "upload attachment" tab next to the options tab.
Press the Browse button to upload your TAF file, then press "Add the file" to insert it into your message.

I'm sorry. I'm still new to this whole "Uploading" thing. I shall take your advice and only upload complete adventure to the ADRIFT website.
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Re: Tree Part One: The Underground Tunnel Aplha

Postby NickyDude » Mon Apr 30, 2012 4:23 pm

Oh, and Nickey, I'm not disheartened at ALL by his response, as I am a very mature and respectful man, I take it as only something I can use to improve on my game...


Excellent! :claps:
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Re: Tree Part One: The Underground Tunnel Aplha

Postby David Whyld » Mon Apr 30, 2012 5:35 pm

Well, you certainly took that better than I expected. Most newcomers who receive the slightest bit of criticism tend to go off in a huff, often bashing the people trying to help because we're nasty so 'n' so's and didn't sing their praises. It's refreshing to see someone being reasonable about it.
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Re: Tree Part One: The Underground Tunnel Aplha

Postby Samkid882 » Mon Apr 30, 2012 6:30 pm

David Whyld wrote:Well, you certainly took that better than I expected. Most newcomers who receive the slightest bit of criticism tend to go off in a huff, often bashing the people trying to help because we're nasty so 'n' so's and didn't sing their praises. It's refreshing to see someone being reasonable about it.

Thank you
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Re: Tree Part One: The Underground Tunnel Aplha

Postby ralphmerridew » Mon Apr 30, 2012 9:12 pm

Samkid882 wrote:The aplha version (v1.0) of my game Tree Part One: The Underground Tunnel.
http://www.adrift.co/cgi/adrift.cgi?page=adventure&advid=1338
Enjoy!
Please post any bugs or requests for a walkthrough when necessary.


Unless it's deliberate, you misspelled "Alpha". That does not encourage me to find out more about your game.
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Re: Tree Part One: The Underground Tunnel Aplha

Postby saabie » Tue May 01, 2012 12:35 am

ralphmerridew wrote:Unless it's deliberate, you misspelled "Alpha".
You must be an amazing typist if you have never managed to transpose two letters while typing.
Are you suggesting that we all get our forum posts beta tested before we hit submit. rofl
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Re: Tree Part One: The Underground Tunnel Aplha

Postby Samkid882 » Tue May 01, 2012 10:10 pm

ralphmerridew wrote:Unless it's deliberate, you misspelled "Alpha". That does not encourage me to find out more about your game.

It was a mistake, we all make mistakes. Also, forget this game. I'm making a new surreal game called Indirect Influence. I highly recommend you play it once I upload the *ahem* "alpha" version of it. It has lots of detail and is set in a very surreal environment.
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