I think the issue with the first one is way too many paragraphs. The text doesn't flow, it’s just a very basic description of what the player can see. Reading lots of descriptions like that wouldn't be much fun. Also, what does “round window taking about your height” mean? (Admittedly that might be a translation issue.) While it’s a good idea to tell the player what's there, is there any need to go into so much detail?
With the second room, you've used the word “little” three times in the first sentence which is three times too many. And again, the text doesn't flow. It needs to be more descriptive. Maybe instead of:
A little different from the street to the north, this street has a little more light, and seems to be a little more clean. Many low class people pass by, not taking you into account. You can also see a few replicants walking by, but they don't seem to be your problem. But, like on the street to the north, you can see computer parts scattered by and getting smashed by people who walk over or cars that pass by. A few electronic outdoors show messages like "obey the authorities" and "never resist when asked on a verification", all authoritary bullshit, as you think. To the west is a rundown building that hosts your apartment.
This is different from the street to the north, with better lighting and less grime. Many low class people pass you by, doing their level best to ignore you, and replicants, but they aren't your problem. As with the northern street, there are computer parts on the ground, smashed by people who walk on them or cars driving past. A few electronic outdoors show messages like "obey the authorities" and "never resist when asked on a verification" (which is all authority bullshit in your opinion). To the west is a rundown building that hosts your apartment.
Hardly perfect, but it’s easier to read.